help themselves while others only call on people when they need help? I am feeling terrible and heartless because of something that happened last night. Short explanation. My husband has this friend named Peanut. He is an old buddy of Wes' and he really isn't the best decision maker. He makes decisions on a whim and doesn't think about the results of the decisions. Anyway he only calls Wes when he needs Wes' opinion or help. Around the time of our wedding last July Peanut up and moved to New Hampshire for some girl he had only known 2 weeks, claiming he was in love...he had no job, no place to live, no plan for when he got there and he ended up sponging off this girl's parents...he doesn't have a college degree or any real world skills...he finally got a job at Circuit City and life went on....then right before Christmas Peanut calls Wes and tells him he is coming home because this girl decided she didn't want to be with him anymore...mind you this is only like the second time Wes has heard from him since he went up there...so anywho Peanut comes home but you can imagine that things in his homelife down here have changed...his mom and brother are really upset with him just up and leaving and though they try to be understanding Peanut burns his bridges with them...he decides he is going back to New Hampshire like 3 days after returning to Bama because his mom is slightly upset because he just makes rash decisions...so Wes being the nice guy drives to Muscle Shoals to pick him up, we take him out to dinner and pay for it, let him stay at our apt that night, and I take him to the airport the next morning...fast forward to now...Peanut is back in Bama with NO job, and isn't really trying to find one, and he is staying in a place well lets just say that isn't the best place to stay, but it's free...which is important seeing as he has no money, no job, and isn't even trying to help himself...and yet again he calls to Wes...are you seeing a pattern...he only calls Wes when he needs help, and I don't agree with that...Wes calls him regularly to check on him or to just say hey, but Peanut can only call him when he needs something? Peanut has no money to get himself a car, but he somehow has money to have a top notch cell phone and top notch clothes, and to do other money wasting things with? Well anyway last night Peanut calls and is walking around Sheffield...the place he was staying told him he couldn't stay there anymore and there is somewhere else he can go but he isn't sure if he wants to or not...basically he was hinting to Wes without actually coming out and saying it that he wanted Wes to come get him and let him come stay with us....so without asking me Wes just tells him he was coming to get him!!!! I was furious!! I had been watching T.V. and I slammed down the remote and stormed off to the bedroom...yes I threw a tantrum...not too proud of myself about it but I was angry. Wes could tell...tells Peanut that he'd call him back...and comes to find out what is wrong...I told him that I felt like he should have consulted with me before making a decision to let someone stay with us for an undefined period of time...because I was not cool with Peanut staying with us...if it was for a night or two that's fine but it wouldn't be for that and I am not supporting someone who has no desire to help himself....at that moment I felt so heartless....but I wasn't comfortable with him staying with us. Anyway to wind it up...Wes called Peanut and told him he couldn't do it...now what he said I don't know...but after that I was able to calmly talk to Wes and explain that even though I felt sorry for Peanut, he is 22 years old and has to take responsibility for his actions...he can't continue to make rash decisions and expect everyone else to fix things for him. He had a place to go to to stay so he wasn't walking the streets but part of me still feels heartless and then part of me knows I did the right thing? Sorry for the rambling but I just had to clear it off my chest.
On a happier note...Wes is getting baptized on Sunday. Afterward we are going to eat with both sets of our parents which should be interesting....they are really different people :) Some of you know about my mother in law :) Ok that's enough for now! Happy Wednesday!
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4 comments:
Candi,
I'm proud of you for being able to put your foot down. It's tough when dealing with a loved one's "friend". Sometimes they're too close to the situation to see it as it really is. Glad you and Wes were able to talk it thru. :-)
Congrats on his upcoming baptism!
You did the right thing. John's brother has a friend who keeps finding himself down on his luck and near the end of our engagement John had an extra room in his house and his brother mentioned it to the friend so he called him up interested in it. By this point I was staying with John a lot and I wasn't at all comfortable with having some guy stay at his house. Especially when his circumstances are his own doing.
You know, it's not hard as a single guy to support yourself. You get a crap job, find a crap apartment and you take care of your business. You don't need much to get it going. He should have thought of all of this before he upped and left everything twice. You're completely in the right and I'm glad Wes saw that it was a decision the two of you should make together. It's hard enough supporting two people, much less three, especially when you aren't too happy about the third. Don't feel heartless, Peanut needs a wakeup call.
peanut needs to get his "poop in a group" and stop expecting everyone to fix his problems for him.
I agree with the comments already made. The only way he is going to stop doing this is if people quit tolerating it. You did the right thing, I am proud of you!
Congrats to Wes on the Baptism. Have fun with the parentals...you will have to fill in on your mother-in-law at a later date.
Great work.
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